Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dear Birthmother

One of the items we recently had to send to our agency was a "Dear Birthmother" letter. We have never had to write one of those before, and didn't really now. It is not known who Sunny's birthparent's are, and that is heartbreaking. Our letter instead goes to the orphanage. I am almost glad though, that we wrote a letter convincing an orphanage to grant us the opportunity to raise a child, instead of writing a letter to a mother asking her to let us raise her child. I don't think I could do that.

We did meet a birthmother once, with the hopes of raising her baby. It was unexpected...one day the SW called us. She had been contacted by a mother in distress-- she had a six week old baby with Down Syndrome and she wanted to place him for adoption. So the SW called us, and we agreed to meet her and the mother for lunch at an area restaurant...the thought of adopting a baby was unexpected, and exciting.

That was probably one of the worst days of my life. She was quietly crying the whole time, totally in love with her baby and just as totally convinced she could not raise him. She was single, a little older than me, and a full-time student; her mother was convinced God was going to heal her baby and thus not a real support. We talked about us and showed her pictures of our family, she showed us pictures of her baby. She'd had an ultrasound but it did not show any problems-- she would have aborted if there had been. The guilt she was feeling for that alone was huge, considering how deeply in love with her baby she now was.

We went away from the meeting saddened for her, but the prospect of another child joining our family was a positive. We started the home study, and a month later there was still no word from her. We asked SW to follow up, and it turns out she had gotten some counseling and decided she could do it after all. Wonderful for her and baby, we really were happy for her. That did leave us with a home study in progress though. Which led us to our Dante--- my unplanned adoption. The Lord blessed this mother by showing her a family that is raising a child (two at that time) with Down Syndrome and loving that life, and He also blessed us with our Dante.

Dante's parents gave him a little yellow blanket when they released him for adoption. He still sleeps with it every night, and it reminds me to pray for them, and for all mothers who are compelled by their life circumstances or society to place a baby for adoption.

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